Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
