PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
