I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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