Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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