Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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