onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
