Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
