so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
