Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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