Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
