Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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