If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
