I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
