OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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