Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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