when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
and she was petting her beer can
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
