I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
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You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
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the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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