and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
