I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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