Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It's blow job season.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
