Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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