why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Enjoy the penises
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
