so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
