Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
