and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
