someone owes me an orgasm
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
