Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
