when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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