New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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