just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
