Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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