My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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