??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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