why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I understand Curling. That high.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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