i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
