I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
