what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Randomize
