Duck Duck Cougar?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
