My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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