booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
only you would photoshop your dick
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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