Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
