I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
