I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
