my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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