So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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