dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
