we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
