I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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