in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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