This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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