At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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