8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
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grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
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It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.