i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
