is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sext me about skeletons