from now on my penis is your penis
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.