now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.