I was born with a shot glass in my hand
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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