She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So. Much. Porn.
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