I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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