i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
