i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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