if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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