do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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