I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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