She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
