If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
