I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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