I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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