ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
