Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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