I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
