Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
