Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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