If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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