My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
