were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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