this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
They are going to name an STD after you.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
