When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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