Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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