I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Let's get the cat blown out
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
