I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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