girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
