So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Randomize
