on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
