What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
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He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
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No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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