I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
