He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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