TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I smell like Dick and happiness
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